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15 IRS Jokes

Joke: Filing tax returns!

A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room. Glaring at me, he grumbled, "What are they doing back there, counting the money?"

- The Joker


Joke: Honest Man

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.

Sincerely,

Taxpayer

P. S. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.

- The Joker


Joke: Defining Form 1040

For those of you who are not familiar with US tax forms, "Form 1040" is the most common of the US Federal tax forms. Most people file one of the several versions of this form.

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?

Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

- The Joker


Joke: Businessman is dying

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."

- The Joker


Joke: Simplified 1040 forms

We've just been informed that the Internal Revenue Service has simplified its 1040 forms for next year in the spirit of becoming a "kinder, gentler" IRS. It goes like this:

(A) How much did you make last year?

(B) How much do you have left?

(C) Send in amount on line B.

- The Joker


Joke: Red, White And Blue With a Bonus!

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "Only we see stars, too."

- The Joker


Joke: Give/Take?

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting.

"Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up.

A man elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man.

"Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?"

"I am a Revenue officer," gasped the man.

"In that case," said the first man, "take my hand!"

The man immediately grasped the other man's hand and was hauled to safety. He turned to the amazed bystanders and declared, "Never ask a tax man to GIVE you anything, you fools!"

- The Joker


Joke: Smile

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear. "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

- The Joker


Joke: Red Flag

"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."

- Jay Leno

- The Joker


Joke: Preparing your child for the future!

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct.

- The Joker


Joke: Stockbroker at I.R.S.

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.

"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

- The Joker


Joke: Strong Man

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

- The Joker


Joke: Good Heart

A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runner's heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agent's heart because he said it had never been used.

- The Joker


Joke: Pet Alligator

A man walks into a restaurant with his pet alligator under his arm.

"Do you serve tax collectors?", he asks the barman.

"Of course", says the barman.

"Well," replies the man, "I'll have a beer, and my alligator will have a tax collector.

- The Joker


Joke: When you do a good deed!

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

- The Joker




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