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16 Sports Jokes

Joke: Chess Nuts!

During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, 'I could beat Karpov with no problem.'

'Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time.'

'That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!'

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel.

'But why?' a bystander asked.

'Because,' the manager replied 'I hate... chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!'

- The Joker


Joke: NFL 24/7

'The NFL has announced it is starting a channel that will cover nothing but NFL players, games and statistics 24 hours a day. Up until now, the only channel that covered the NFL 24 hours a day was 'Court TV.''

-Conan O'Brien

- The Joker


Joke: Stealing the practice jerseys!

Football players at the high school where I worked were stealing the practice jerseys, so the coach ordered a set with "Property of Central High School" emblazoned on them. When the thefts continued, he ordered a new batch that had the imprint "Stolen from Central High School." But the jerseys still kept disappearing. The larceny finally stopped after he changed the wording to "Central High School 4th String."

- The Joker


Joke: Poor Guys ):

'Tonight, Major League Baseball held its annual All-Star Game. Or as the Mets call it, 'a quiet evening at home.''

- Conan O'Brien

- The Joker


Joke: Not a football fan!

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hyped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"

"Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.

"Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"

"Then I'd be a football fan."

- The Joker


Joke: Fourth Quarter!

My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now."

"Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. "Maybe you'll go into overtime."

- The Joker


Joke: Women talk too much?

Anyone who thinks women talk too much has never sat through a six-hour Super Bowl pregame show.

- The Joker


Joke: Racehorse in last place!

A racehorse owner was furious with his jockey after the horse he rode came in dead last.

"Could you not have raced any faster?" he raged.

"Sure I could have," replied the jockey, "but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

- The Joker


Joke: Blonde girlfriend at her first football game!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin. One team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like, Hello-o-o? It's only 25 cents!"

- The Joker


Joke: Why the frisbee is getting bigger!

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

- The Joker


Joke: The depressing thing about tennis...

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.

- The Joker


Joke: Shakespeare!

The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library. So when my husband's co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."

- The Joker


Joke: Joe goes to the Super Bowl!

Joe's seat is in the nosebleed section, but at least he's at the Super Bowl.

So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line with an empty seat beside him.

This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.

The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago.

But unfortunately, she passed away."

"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says, "But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"

The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."

- The Joker


Joke: Why should you never date a tennis player?

Why should you never date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

- The Joker


Joke: I used to play sports!

I used to play sports, then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

- The Joker


Joke: What's the difference?

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

- The Joker




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